Feelings...

I guess I have very much pissed him off. He is writing what he feels and so am i. Anyone who reads his blog will feels that he is trying to say that I am at fault since day 1. Knowing me for 3 years and he stills ASSUME my thinking again.
For the past 7 days of reading his blog, I did ever become soft-hearted and wanted to give that sad relationship another shot afterall I been giving chances and working hard to make it work. First time I read his feelings on blog, for the first time I read a blog and cried, for the first time I feels that he is really changing for the better...but today he proves me wrong..totally. With all those smses he sent me after reading my post, and as usual, his last line always stabbed me at my heart again (which he always think I did it). I told him before, when a couple quarrel, do not bring up past issues to say, do not assume each other's thinking and do not hurt each other with those hurtful words cos it will further break the relationship down. Anyway he just did. He is drawing a clear line between us that only MONEY issues and nothing else. And there goes his 'changes', I see the old him again. My observations failed me once again. I am sad, hurt and disappointed. He wanted to reconcile and yet cannot forget the part that I was the one who did him wrong and till now, he brings it up now and then. He say he wont make me look ugly in front of his frenz but seriously speaking I doubt so. From the way he told me about all his ex gfs in the past, I think he will do the same to me.
It no longer means anything to me. My hearts just give up totally on someone whom I would like to see perm changes in...someone whom I ever march in the grand hall of Conrad with...someone whom I ever sit beside him and giggle over the fact that he is anxious over the ROM ceremony...someone whom I onced adore and really wish to spend the rest of my life with...someone whom I am willing to change and learn new things for him...someone who once scold me for being naggy...someone whom I ever wanted to join gaming for him...someone....someone....someone....

To him,
Yes I disappointed you...and you did the same to disappoint me too. I always tot that parting is your decision when you tell me to settle those papers etc but you take the effort to change, and then back to yourself again. Anyway I guess changing is really not your cup of tea afterall you live for yourself and not others. Still the same old words, if you want to tell your mum, friends or relatives tat I did wrong thing to u, call me slut or bitch (like wat u did when u r standing at level 3 tat day and shouted down) ,I wont blame you. And I say wat i mean...if one day your other girl friends wan to spit at me, or your guy friends wan to beat up the next guy who is standing beside me, so be it. I am not going to try to persuade you to believe that I really did consider about the patch but you ruin everything in a day. Think what you want.
Lastly, you disappoint me again by throwing stand chart debts back to me. I thought tis time you really mean it and wont back off...but I am so wrong about it. Not first time also, but I still feel the pain...
Adios.