I thought...

I thought he is happily doing things that he always wanted to do without being nagged at...I thought he was extremely busy with his work and hence I seldom see him on msn...I thought he would have forgotten every sad things that had happened and moved on cos not much emo blogs or should I say I don't see him update as frequent anymore...
Till now, my tears still roll when I read his emo blog. Things will never be the same again. And one mistake from me had already move me to a path of no return. Initially I ever thought of trying again (after tons of times of retries - given more than 2 chances of repent) but I am scare, really scare things will go back to square one again. Its a fear in me that I don't even dare to tink about it now. From how much I understand him, correct me if I am wrong/you are reading, he won't forget those bad things that had been done to him in the past. When you cant learn to let go and forgive, you will always have this anger/devil in you that is controlling you.
Yes, only when you lost it, then you will learn how to treasure things so please treasure what you have around you now.
Yes, if thunder roars, I am still scare...especially at the cold lonely night. I knew you will be there to cover my ears and sayang me say 'no scare no scare' *tears rolled again* When my leg cramp, you will rush in to soothe my cramp for me then afterwhich jokingly say other things to distract my attention on the pull. When I have nightmare, you will rush to me at nite after I sms you (yes SMS despite we stays in the same house but he is in the next room) that I am scare that I cant wake up anymore to say thanks to you, my family and friends for being there for me (so I wrote thank you note in my blog for all my lovely friends and you (thru email).
Those are the good memories of you in my heart and it will always be there forever. I will erase your bads and keep only goods in my heart so that I know next time when we meet in the street, we can still say HI to each other despite you with your new family or mine.
*Tears roll non stop*

*prayers to God for you* (its not a bullshit which u used to think in the past)
Dear God,
Please forgive whatever sins we made. Give us the strength to move on in life without living over things that has hurt us both deeply.
I wish that both of us will be happy with things we had around us.
Please read my prayers and bless him.

*A-men*